January 2012
9 posts
It's Been a While
It’s been a while since I posted. I’m sure you were relieved to not have been able to read my thoughts.
First week of school ended and I must admit it was rather rough for many reasons. 1.) JEMS hasn’t contacted me and I have a feeling they might cancel this trip afterall. The excitement was for nothing… but I learned to always look to God and what He is doing in my life...
JEMS Thoughts
Many people asked me recently about my thoughts on JEMS and Japanese culture. Most of the time, I hear missionaries having great expectations to be used by God during the trip. However, something inside me makes me unable to say that easily. Of course I wish to be used by the Lord but I believe He will use the preparation of the trip and the trip itself to show His greatness to me even more so...
Another week passed by so fast… I thought winter break just started!? I must say it’s been a growing break for me. I am thankful for everything that happened. Currently back at home and am once again seeing the beautiful things and wonderful people that surround this small town. Saw some people on Wednesday and it made me pretty depressed. I know I needed to hear this one person out...
2012
Midnight on New Years Day, Derrick took my brother and me to the Berkeley pier to watch the fireworks. It was wonderful, a beautiful way to end the year. Moonlight and San Francisco buildings reflected on the waters. Walked on the wooden bridge in the middle of the deep waters. His Lordship had a black family party. Saxophone playing inside was lovely. I was again in an unfamiliar environment and...
“How you gon’ win when you ain’t right within”
– Doo Wop (that thing)
2011 Conclusion
I am pretty glad this year is over. It was a year of real challenge and it is ending unpleasantly also. Too bad! I guess it’s meant to be that way and this is how I am going to remember 2011. Hopefully the count down will make me happier. lol! Crying is the way to end the year I cried the most. Fucking had nightmares again. *sigh* I wonder if i’m just fooling myself with all these...
December 2011
15 posts
Berkeley Thus Far
My trip up north is about to wrap up and so is 2011. I wonder how he is going to spend the new years eve?? sigh* no time for sour thoughts. I enjoyed being in Berkeley and doing the sketches. After all the stressing out I feel like I did not get as much done as I had planned. Oh well, we always gotta give ourselves more time than expected right? Let’s see, I want to finish the kitchen...
Christmas Day
A very merry christmas today! Performing for BCCC choir was so fun this morning. The spirit was very present and it felt like a proper way to spend this special day. So much reflection and thanksgiving. I love singing beautiful church songs.
Had lunch with BCCC members, the ones close to my brother, at a delicious restaurant because mother wanted to thank all the elders for taking care of henry....
“A broken heart is not who you really are. Your are more than someones ex-girlfriend. You was more than someone’s girlfriend. “
Thank you big brother <3
=’)
needed that. I have to stop having this mindset that I am a broken hearted girl. I need to stop looking at my scar all the time. It’s there, but no need to keep on emphasizing it. No need to find someone to...
Sorry, if you don’t know already, this is a prayer log.
So yeah, I do think there’s a purpose for this winter break. Just had a meeting with cousins and aunt. Was praying before they came that they’d be comforted once they step into our house. And they were. We didn’t talk much but they loved the movie Summer Wars. I do not have great success to show, but I know God can...
Two Birds with One Stone
Yesterday after doing some devo, a time of dancing by myself, and not doing art, I met up with L and J.
I saw J first at BJs. He treated me appetizers and pozookie for my belated birthday. Our conversation was actually pretty fun, and I am glad he has made a step to explore other churches outside of TPC. I only pray that his faith will no longer be shaken because of church and that he will fully...
My BFA2 Life
looking at my oil paintings, I think to myself: Why am I in animation instead of fine arts? Why?!
I am back again, unfortunately, to the world I once hated. Hacienda Heights never fails to frustrate me. Break has started, and so far the only people who have contacted me are these two guys I had to turn down at some point in my life. AND I WILL NEVER BE ATTRACTED TO THEM, EVER! They still have...
So sad
Fall 2011 went by so fast and many people already went home. But I have some work that need to be done and I need alone time to concentrate. I think I really should be working harder but at the same time I don’t know why I should work so hard if going into the industry is not something I want. I just want to work hard to be an artist.
Anyway, this winter break I am definitely gonna miss...
just looked over my storyboards again and refined it.
I don’t think i will be able to finish this animation clip dude…. i don’t think so… :’( God, I give this to you.
Christmas Time is Here
“ I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus. Christmas is coming, but I’m not happy. I don’t feel the way I’m supposed to feel. I just don’t understand Christmas, I guess. I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards and decorating trees and all that, but I’m still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed. “
then men are small minded
and i’m small minded for stereotyping men
Jesus, please take away my burdens. Please send angels to minister to me. I believe in You. I put my trust in You. Like a little child, I come as I am. Please listen to my cry.
It seems like i’m crying over something that’s not a big deal, I’m crying over this as if someone in my family passed away, but only You understand how much pain this is causing in my heart. You know...
Dear Jesus,
I will praise you through my trials. I know I feel like I have been battling for a long time for now but sometimes seeing new pictures of them two together brings me to tears. Then it brings me very bad nightmares. Even though I am sad, I thank you for these happenings. If you led me to it, you will lead me through it. There are two ways to go about this: 1.) I can sit down, cry, and...
God is bigger than my situation, so I will just keep my eyes on Him. :)
“I know that we both have our separate lives And we don’t keep ties on each other So you can have me So that I can hold you until the morning comes Then we can go back to how things was before”
November 2011
6 posts
The Real Folks Blue
“Too much time has passed by to
lament that we were deeply in love The wind keeps blowing, while my heart cannot heal all the tears in it Watching tomorrow with one eye while keeping the other on yesterday If only I could peacefully sleep in the cradle of your love, again”
After writing the story
After writing a short story that in a way reflected my own life, I cannot get out of the plot. I keep thinking of all the characters in the story. When I wrote the story, I wanted to cry for all of them, especially the main character. Even now, I still want to cry. I don’t know why. Maybe because my story showed that everyone was just lost and empty.
Matthew 18:22
“Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’”
Hits me every time no matter what circumstance I am in.
Things Aren't That Bad
So things are not that bad really. Now that I am home I feel so relaxed. so ready to eat, sleep and do nothing for a few days. No need to be afraid of flashbacks! I wonder why I was so frustrated lately. The oil in my lamp definitely ran out and I could no longer handle anything school related. Last night I didn’t sleep at all because I was dreaming of a revenge I could do. That kept me up...
God, be the first in my life
I already wrote this, but lately I have been going through many emotions. Yes, I am a very imbalanced person. This week was tough. I mean, I spoke with two teachers and they weren’t so crazy about my film idea. (shouldn’t have met with them in the first place). That was pretty discouraging, but in a way it inspires me to think outside of the box for the design of my film style. So it...
To Joe again
That girl with Catcher in the Rye covering her face? Totally me.
Yet at the same time, I think it’s funny how we always have a list of qualities we’d like in the opposite sex on our minds. When we do meet those people, the vibe doesn’t even happen. Funny, isn’t it?
I never know what I really want.
October 2011
8 posts
“I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me… but...”
– American Beauty
I was dreaming that I was dreaming that I was dreaming.
I dreamt that I was in a dream that my life is a written play and I have to keep my life going by going into a dream. While reading script about my life, I said to myself, “this girl’s life is so easy but i have to act like it’s difficult.” I went to sleep but started feeling that life is stressful in my third...
Writing
As if things were all back to the beginning like a couple summers ago, she sat in the very front row to enjoy the church’s annual talent concert. Everything about the church seemed promising to her. The same wooden benches reminded her of the family road trip to New York when she was eight and had to sit on the hard and cold tile floors to wait in a long line for the one stall unisex unisex...
Nurse Audrey
Me: I don’t want to live anymore…
Audrey: you have so much to live for. Jesus loves you.
**
Me: I don’t really want to go back home to visit my mom.
Audrey: Don’t say that. Once she’s gone, she’s gone.
I always feel convicted when I speak to her. So I hurried home this weekend. I think maybe i should go back to Taiwan again during winter. Grandpa and...
"His Strength is Perfect"
Thank you Jesus,
though the first month of school had tremendous ups and downs. I was broken so many times in front of You, and I cry like a child when I read your Word. Ever through the trials and tribulations, You allow me to shine. Like today, I created the best painting I’ve ever had ever since entering into CalArts. My teacher tell me, “Wow, you should just stay in a miserable...
Romans 8
Dear Jesus,
Please help me to be more than a conqueror today. Walk with me through the dark valleys. Amen.
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and now grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:29-31
Setting
As if it were all back to the beginning like a couple summers ago, she sat in the very front row to enjoy the church’s annual talent concert. Everything about the church seemed promising to her. The same wooden benches that remind her of the hard and cold tile floors she sat on once during a stop on her road trip to New York when she impatiently waited in the long line for the one stall...
Third Week
Dear Jesus,
Third week of school already overwhelmed me. I learn that I cannot cram out all the assignments with my own strength, I cannot put you below my art. Please help me put you first on my list. Guide me to walk in your will. If you want me to write about my faith in Creative writing class, show me the right words. Be my inspiration when I work on my projects. This week I felt so defeated...
September 2011
11 posts
My Muse
Miles Davis: Tune Up
COOK FROM CAFETERIA: You’re beautiful
Me: you know, I’m not trying to be conceited but I think i’m… i’m you know
Andrew: Come on! You know what you mean. Be confident in what you say. YOURE HOT!
Me: YES! I’M HOT!
Andrew: THAT’S RIGHT! SAY IT, YEAH! DON’T EVEN TRIP. YOU’RE HOT!
I appreciate this accidental big brotha.
It’s been like this for a while. Most of the time I read the Bible or any verse I just start crying, and I almost want to weep but am afraid to because i’m in my dorm.
FUCK MAN. So unlike me
But this is a good sign. :)
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for today. Thank you for the praying friends you gave me at calarts. Please let me never forget your grace. Never let me forget the moment i...
Be Glorified today
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for the people I saw today. Thank you for all my friends and teachers at CalArts. Thank you for making me realize the joy of making art and animation. Even though my mind makes me think of disturbing things sometime, i had a good day. The people i talked to made me so delighted. Everyone i bumped into were nice to me. They were like angels. In my life be glorified. In my...
the person you chose for the rebound just hmmm… makes me laugh but inside it still hurts me. i don’t know if you were desperate to make me feel upset or if you merely wanted to have someone else to hold onto, but i can promise you that if you jump right into another person before getting over your pain, you will never learn.
That’s another thing i don’t understand about...
Summer 2011 is Over
I don’t even want to go back to school anymore even though earlier this summer I prayed for time to pass by faster. Perhaps now all that I wish for is one more dinner with father, one more visit to grandma’s place, one more prayer with grandpa before his meal, just one more day back home again.
sigh*
Back to States
Back to the States now, originally want to write some reflections but for now I just want to say that I saw Part II of Nodame Movie on airplane twice.
Now I am obsessed with PARIS, PARIS, PARIS!!
maybe one day~one day~ I can study art in paris too…. QQ
One Day Left
My summer trip to Taiwan 2011 is coming to a close. So much happened in these two weeks but most events bring me a very bittersweet feeling.
Second week:
Monday I met up with two elementary friends and chatted about our future and dreams. That night I appreciated my life in America because it sounded like students who work super hard in Taiwan don’t necessarily get good opportunities after...
August 2011
11 posts
MoMo Paradise
Shabu Shabu was great! the only cost for enjoying a delicious shabu shabu buffet is excessive diarrhea in irregular forms and feeling very exhausted the next day from the diarrhea.
I still love MoMo Paradise.