So much time, so little to say.

So things are not that bad really. Now that I am home I feel so relaxed. so ready to eat, sleep and do nothing for a few days. No need to be afraid of flashbacks! I wonder why I was so frustrated lately. The oil in my lamp definitely ran out and I could no longer handle anything school related. Last night I didn’t sleep at all because I was dreaming of a revenge I could do. That kept me up all night mainly. It was a stupid and hilarious idea. 

I thought of all the things that were going on though and I do have a reason to feel like breaking down. 

• Application for ENSAD, possibility of going to Paris next year: This makes me somewhat nervous. There are so many things to come in the future. I was discouraged when this teacher saw my recent art work and told me things back then were better and stronger. damn. Sort of cut like a knife. I’ve been working on my film idea this entire semester though. 
• JEMS: I know, I shouldn’t be stressed about a missions trip but I guess I am going through many trials. Realizing I have so much within me to change before next summer. NOW I HAVE TO RESIST SO MUCH TEMPTATION (like boys) BECAUSE I SIGNED THAT CONTRACT! Also, I must not depend on my own strength to do my project this year. Let God! 
• Last Thanksgiving and Last Christmas: I felt stressed out the past week because I thought of last Thanksgiving and last Christmas and how terrible it was for me. This year will be better. The only down side is that I feel lonely. SO FUCKING LONELY SOMETIMES THAT I JUST NEED A MAN HUG, PLEASE. damn it. 
• The Dreamboat: Something is going on. You putting your arms around me, giving me hugs, and our jokes. You have someone already far away and I’m not looking for anything serious. We are both somewhat lonely inside, so why is anything we do a crime? You have all the qualities I’ve always wanted in a guy but my feelings are not very strong. This situation tends to distract me though. 

So many things happening all at the same time. On top of all my assignments too. NO REASON I WANTED TO EXPLODE. Oh geez, God have mercy on me.